Illinois Pocket Watch Information

This is not your mother's fathers Movement Anymore

I am a 40-something, independent, liberal, California, single mother four children and grandmother, and I work within the Movement Fathers. This surprises some. They must be wondering why I'm champion of the men if it's true that "fathers who seek custody, they are not all great fathers." Who was the truth according to Mira Fox, who heads the child against Abuse Solutions, Inc. when she testified in May against AB 1307, Bill of California shared parenting. shared parenting (joint physical custody), and this bill are supported by professionals in the fields of health law, medical and mental health organizations and rights of the family, veterans groups and individuals from throughout California. People across the nation and the world has applauded our efforts on behalf of children, and I was proud to be in Sacramento that day. I watched Fox testimony and the photograph, she painted troubled me.

Fox said: "Children are often placed in the custody of abusive fathers." According to my research, in approximately 70 percent of all cases in California mothers custody of children are unique physical custody. Fathers receive about 10 percent of the time. (Mother, receive the physical custody 84 percent of the time.) If children are given custody of fathers abuse, they are given custody of abusive mothers as well. Mother it is are most likely to harm a child. The U.S. Department of Health and Social Services Administration on Children, Youth and Families, about two fifths (40.8 percent) of child victims were neglected or abused by "their mothers acting alone." Just 18.8 percent were maltreated by their fathers acting alone (and 17 percent of children have been abused or neglected by both their mothers and fathers).

Fox testified about the sexual abuse of children. By far the most child care does not involve the sexual abuse of children, but the words alone can be scary. I do not blame him. She wanted to win, and she is good at it. This is what she does for a living. Fox organization, by its own testimony that day, trains people in the family court system how to argue and decide on cases of child sexual abuse. I care about victims violence too. I want to make sure no child is endangered. AB 1307, as most bills shared parenting had provisions to protect children who are victims of abuse. This was a non-issue. But again, the subject of child abuse has been raised.

It bothers me greatly that Fox randomly painted fathers as perpetrators of incest when in fact, fathers are less likely all men to commit sexual abuse. The authors January 2005 Boys of child abuse: Results NCANDS, fathers are "less likely than other male perpetrators to be involved in sexual abuse. "Keeping fathers in the lives of their children protects them.

This tactics, citing sexual abuse, is similar to our opponents raising abuses and "men of control. These men are the minority. The same is true of men in the movement of men, (not to be confused with the Father and the Family Rights Movement), who want to completely eliminate alimony for children, and those who want to return to patriarchy. Of course, they are there, but they do not represent the people I work with, people who fight for equality in custody. We are the real Fathers and Family Rights Movement.

And I do sometimes called the fight. It feels like that when I have to deal with the policy of it. At one point I had no idea that I would be pitted against those who fight for equality. This is America. The idea baffles me. I find it frustrating that the opponents of the common use of physical custody sensationalism to "win" when it is most beneficial for our children when we are all just be honest and transparent.

When I met the Fathers Movement it was by accident. My son was having a child out of wedlock and he asked me for help. His father had abandoned like a baby shortly after he and I divorced. My son told me later that the most important thing in life was to be a good father. He wanted to be the best father he could be, in every way possible. When he learned in his 20's he going to be a father and that the marriage was not a possibility, he asked me how to ensure it had a large part of the life of her child. I had been successfully co-parenting with the father of her sister, a man I had never married for 15 years if we both knew that was possible. I was happy to see the search of parenting and care for the baby's mother. Unfortunately, shortly after the birth of his daughter of a lawyer was hired, my son was served a summons in family court, and the situation is contradictory. I went online to see what I could learn, unknowingly enter the Fathers Movement.

Shortly after I joined the movement, I realized that there was a battle being among a handful of radical patriarchs, called angry fathers' rights activists "by radical feminists and a handful of feminists radical, called "feminazis" by the patriarchs radical, with both parties around accusations, insults, and outdated and statistics incorrect to try to prove their side was right. I decided to do my own research to see what the truth really is. I will admit I was disheartened by the hostility. I can almost understand why the Fathers Movement has a bad reputation. I saw online messages like: "You might get lucky. The Ex might lose interest or get hit by a truck. "Oh, wait, this Citation is not the site of one of the fathers of the Movement website. This is the anti-Peres website militant anti-garde of equality. The same woman, who never met my friends in the Reform, or me, but sent a letter to my state legislators who calls us "activists fathers angry 'rights. "

What I found as I dug deeper into the labyrinth of "bad facts" was that both parties have described the same thing. Both sides described the court system even broken. These quotations, "it really depends on the judge, that GAL (Guardian ad litem) or the evaluator is used and all the stereotypes, or they can organize "and" this is not simply a question c. Prosecutor (Attorney General or facts or laws or even evaluators, who are all key players) as much as it is the strategy to know which cases to bring before the judges ", came from the same rostrum in anti-Fathers Movement online. I read similar statements repeatedly in instances of the Fathers Movement.

I naively assumed that since my son had a grandfather during the entire pregnancy, and since joint physical the guard had been in force in our state for over 20 years, he would be treated as an equal to the mother of his child. I was shocked by what happened as he went through the family justice system. He was prevented from having Equal physical custody of his daughter by the gender bias which could be called. Lies were accepted as truth, physical evidence has been ignored, "the best interests of the child" and justice were not served. I forget never anguish or trauma my granddaughter. I knew I could not turn his back on this kind of blatant bias and injustice.

It is now three years and I learned that injustice and sorrow, my son went through happening to fathers and mothers, not only of all California but also throughout America and even around the world. I learned that what was Father's movement has become more of a Rights movement of the family with the inclusion of non-custodial mothers, grandparents trying to get their grandchildren of the family home, and families dealing with Child Protection Services (CPS). And I learned that sexism is not the only problem in the family courts.

I am honored to be associated with lawyers, activists and reformers in more than a dozen countries, including the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, Germany, Scotland, South Africa, New Zealand, Australia and Italy. I have heard hundreds of testimonies parents. Everywhere, everywhere in the world of parents say the system is broken, it does not meet the needs of today's families. Part the problem is that the winner-take-all adversarial atmosphere of the current family court system is causing unnecessary conflict and hostility, the financial devastation, and the worst of all, the tragic separation of parents, decent fit, love their children.

Many fathers me said they want both equal physical and legal custody, but they only got joint legal custody. Instead of having quality time important to really look after their children, instead of getting the respect they deserve and access to programs that are now exclusively custody parents, parents without custody simply "the right of parents to make major decisions concerning the health of the child, education and welfare "and" visitation with their children.

Jeffery Shipman, 44, a father of New York at 21-month-old Deonna, can not see his daughter one weekend and one weeknight. He said: "People often tell me now, it should be getting easier now, eh Jeff? I always answer: "It is never easy … and you know, part of me never wants this minimal amount of time to ever become "easier" for me. For if one day a week is "easier" to deal with and I would be considered "adjusted" to tell me I'm not doing my job as a father. It is quite natural as a father does not see my own child for a week now. "

Approximately one third of participants in the Movement Fathers' rights or the family of the Movement as some call it, are women. Some are grandmothers like me, some are second wives or girlfriends. Others are professionals or concerned citizens, and some are non-custodial mothers like Beverly Morris. Beverly, 39, lives in Florida with her husband and their child, and is a non-custodial parent with two children in Pennsylvania. She said: "There are more than seven years and I still feel violated, angry, and severely stripped of my parental rights to raise (my) children. "Beverly is the founder and president of the Association National Non-Custodial Moms, Inc., an online support forum for parents without custody emotional for both sexes. She said: "I am feel the justice system does not care at all what is in the best interest of children, they do not care they still make money through hearing after hearing, a trap that I refuse to fall, and I refuse to put my children through. "

I heard that supporters of sole custody say that the visits are liberal enough to maintain a close relationship between parents and children, but they do not consider families who are forced to cope aways movement and disposal. According to Rebecca Mackey, a married 27-year non-custodial mother to one, "I lost a part of my heart that was never repaired. The stages seem similar to those that people go through after someone dies. The only difference is that you do not learn to go about life and to remember them. You get to go on living knowing that miss you and you need and you are unable to do anything. There is no closure, just a constant burning pain in the soul that some much of yourself is absent. "

The fathers I know in the movement are ordinary dads, fathers average, responsible, clean, loving, just everyday dads like you meet in your neighborhood. Yet they are prevented from fully parenting their children. Unmarried fathers, fathers a third of all babies born in our country are almost universally denied physical custody of their children. They said: "It is against the politics "by the mediators, attorneys and judges. Bill Sharp, 51, a father never married Illinois at age 14 and Tasha 15-year-old Willy has lost physical custody joint after his former partner refuses to cooperate with the courts. Instead of giving custody to the parent who was most willing to facilitate a relationship between children and the other parent, the judge awarded sole custody to the mother. Bill said he still remembers the judge in his case by saying: "Father should not be angry because this is how it is found in 90 percent of cases. "

Willy's son Bill said: "I am angry and confused. I went to court and told the judge that I wanted, week by week. I'm not bad parents. That is right. Best thing I can think of. The judge said he would give me a week by week. But then, he was taken away from me even before I started and nobody say why. They should give a reason if they are going to take time with a parent. Nobody gave me a reason. "He added:" Mum gave me reason – she said she was the better parent. Mom told me that 50/50 is bad, but do not tell me why. She was still trying to convince me that 50/50 was a bad idea. "Willy then said the same thing I thought, I do not understand why the compromises that is punished."

Warren Farrell, Ph.D., author of Father and Child Reunion said: "Fighting to be the primary parent is not a maternal instinct – or a paternal instinct – It is an instinct of territoriality. Any mother with a sense of maternal instinct that children need both their mother and father because the children are both their mother and their father. When they are absent or they are missing that half of themselves. The children who most need stability the two halves of themselves are children of divorce, especially those of children whose parents are in most conflicts. "

Project Bill added: "Ask any kid what they want in a solution of custody and they will tell you they want both their mother and father, and they will tell you that they want too. Why? Well, mainly because it's really what they want. But most children had equity drilled in the framework of their parents, and school and church, and their role models investigating the proper way to cross the life. "

Jamil Jabr, who has been divorced for two years and has one child, was involved in organizing Fathers-4-Justice in the United States. It worked to build the group as a recognized non-profit, charitable organization. His intention is to support the movement of sex civil rights in America fighting for equality in child care. Jamil, who lives in Minnesota said, "Replacing the presumption that sole physical custody joint physical custody removes the need for a winner and a loser. It will not take much to change the presumption so that everyone can be winner, especially children, families and society, once the people's voice rises to special interests and entrenched profiteers who, fortunately, are in the minority, but, unfortunately, very powerful and reluctant to change. "

A lie that is repeated on joint custody that it is forced to 50/50. This is not true. Most parents, including those in the movement, realizing that it is not realistic to divide fractional exactly half. The age of the child, relationships with parents before the custody hearing, scheduled Working from each parent, these are all things that must be taken into account by both parents. When you hear "Keep playing field", this means that parents are equal, not necessarily the time. From the moment they sit at the negotiating table for the day when the judge makes his order, they should be equal, and the current family court, they are not.

Adryenn Ashley, a film producer with the 21st Group Century Pictures is one of the women in the movement. She lives in California with her husband and their 2 year old son. Adryenn experienced the injustice of the judicial system first help from family while helping her husband in his case from a previous marriage. Since then she has been filming a documentary on the family courts and how impact families in the United States. The Family Alliance Council, a not-for-profit corporation that promotes a positive image of families and responsible role models, the holdings. Adryenn observed, "We can make the best future for our children, but we must put aside our own personal prejudices and work in the best interests of real children. And I think we can all agree that a machine without profit suck billions dollars into the pockets of taxpayers, thereby reducing the amount available to finance future generations, is not in anyone's interest. "

According to Ronald Rohner and Robert Veneziano, authors of "The Importance of Father Love: History and contemporary evidence," (review of General Psychology 5.4, 2001), "Having a loving father and stimulating was as important to the happiness of a child welfare and social and academic success as having a loving and nurturing mother. "I am pleased to report that today my son and the mother of his daughter co-parent successfully. They communicate frequently and positively about their daughter, they both remain flexible drop off and pick up times and days, and my granddaughter shows the advantage to know that both parents still love her, and neither are never far away, or out for long.

Wendy Sheppard, 34, a social worker and life coach who has joint custody of her 8 year old son told me: "We have a week / week off custody arrangement where we see both our son every day, no matter where he sleeps. My clients and friends often remark on how "lucky" I am to have such an amicable arrangement with my ex. I do not consider myself "lucky. I do what is best for my son because it is from Him, not me. It's not luck – it would make my personal feelings aside and do what is best for my son. "

When asked, the public has shown overwhelming support shared parenting and equal custody. As reported by the fathers and families, (www.fathersandfamilies.org) in November 2004, 37 districts in Massachusetts had a non-binding vote question asking whether voters supported shared parenting. With more than 600,000 votes cast, 86 percent of voters answered "Yes". In Michigan recently, the Detroit News conducted an online survey asking the following question: "To divorcing parents, should Michigan courts also shared custody of children the standard? Again, 86 percent of respondents voted "Yes".

The families of Michigan and the Conference Fathers, healing our families, a time for change held at the Detroit Metro Airport on June 17 and 18. For more information write to the Family Rights Coalition at info@fathers05.org, call 734.322.2974 or visit the VOX www.fathers05.org website.

What I have learned over the last three years in the movement is that children want equal access to both parents and the parents of both sexes want equal access to their children. I learned that studies show children adjust to divorce best when they maintain the same level of contact with their parents when they had before the divorce and that, in some cases shared parenting can actually reduce conflict between parents. I learned that other unmarried parents could successfully co-parent, even if they do not think they could. And I learned that the company supports shared parental care and equality. To answer the question why I work in the movement of fathers, I am here to tell the truth.

By Teri Stoddard, teristoddard.org

For more information:

• facilitates Child Abduction and VAWA funds
• Dirty Little Secrets of domestic violence programs

Sources:

* AB 1307: cspaonline.org/ab1307.php
* U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Administration on Children, Youth and Families, Report abuse Children, 2003: www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/publications/cm03/cm2003.pdf
* The male perpetrators of violence against children: Results NCANDS: aspe.hhs.gov/hsp/05/child-maltreat /
* The National Association of Non Custodial Moms, Inc.: www.NANCM.com
* Warren Farrell, Ph.D., P. and Child Reunion: www.warrenfarrell.com
* United Fathers4Justice: www.f4j.us
* 21st Century Pictures Group: www.21stcentury.org
* The importance of the Father's love: the story , and contemporary evidence, Journal of General Psychology 5.4 (December 2001)
* Wendy Sheppard, MSW, LSW Professional Life Coach and Therapist: www.lifecoachwendy.com
* Fathers and Families: www.fathersandfamilies.org

About the Author

Shared Parenting Works
Teri Stoddard on family rights.
Teri Stoddard on family.

SP 4449 Steam Locomotive – Savanna, Illinois Departing – 07.18.09